When Therapy Gets Real: Embracing Authenticity in the Therapy Room

When you imagine therapy, what comes to mind? A therapist nodding along while you lay on a couch and share your dreams? Someone who won't share any information about themselves or show any reaction to what you are sharing?

This used to be the template for therapists, and it was called "blank slate" therapy and was the foundation for early psychodynamic and psychoanalytic types of therapy (which can be incredibly powerful interventions, to be fair).

If that's what you think you will get working with me, however, it couldn't be farther from the truth. I practice from a relational or humanistic perspective. What does this mean or look like in session?

For me, in therapy sessions, my goal is to be  authentic and to show up as a real person wanting to connect with my client. I believe this is very important in the healing process. 

When I do therapy, I hold space for showing up as my full self, mistakes and all, and I think that this benefits the relationship that I have with my clients. 

At times, I will laugh with clients, cry with clients, and sometimes even get frustrated with clients. And, if it feels clinically appropriate, I allow all of these emotions to filter through into our therapy sessions and will openly explore this relational dynamic with my client in the moment.

Balancing professional boundaries while embracing the emotions myself and the client are experiencing creates a comfortable space for clients and lets them know that this is a safe space to experience all feelings, without judgment or shame. From my perspective, allowing these feelings to be felt and expressed also allows them to be processed and understood.  

I have found this to be particularly important in my work with teenagers. Authenticity is foundational to my sessions with teens. 

Teenagers have a superpower of being able to sniff out anything “fake” and often may perceive therapists or other doctors to be this way. As my authentic self, my teenage clients meet me as my Broadway, Swiftie, Anime, and Disney-loving self, and this can be something they may relate to. 

Allowing myself to show up as authentic can help the other person feel more comfortable to share their own interests that may have been judged before. Sharing these interests, and the occasional story, not only helps the client feel comfortable but allows us to start building a relationship. 

When a kid meets me as a fellow fan of something instead of a therapist, it can help them lower their guard and give us something else to talk about, rather than jumping into therapy topics that might feel too upsetting or embarrassing to talk about before they know they are really safe, seen, and accepted.  

My goal with using authenticity is to create warmth and comfort in a space that is often very serious and may not always be fun. Authenticity brings a balance into the room and into the healing process by recognizing that I am also a human and not a miracle worker with a magic wand (no matter how much I want one). 

Therapy can be as much a space for regular conversations about an album or movie that came out as it can be a deep dive into trauma histories. 

This balance, and the comfort from it, I believe, benefits the healing process in so many ways. 

I can be a blank slate when my clients need it, but I prefer to be a human, a guide, and a safe person to talk to. 

That means I will always laugh at your jokes, and we just might reframe the joke when we are done laughing!